My bleeding heart
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
colin's LiveJournal:
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| Sunday, May 16th, 2004 | | 6:10 pm |
| | Thursday, May 13th, 2004 | | 3:50 pm |
No real other way to do this
Okay, so High School is ending, it's time to get something off my chest. A long time ago, Dana and I were very good friends. We had our differences, but everyone does. He was there for me a lot of times during my relationship with Tara, and that was a nightmare. When I'd heard that he and another one of my friends had had sex, my first reaction was "okay." I talked to him about it for a short period of time. That was the last time he and I ever talked. Tara had a lot of issues. She was very upset by this. She was very insecure with our relationship and always asked me: "Are we better than this person or that person's relationship?" When I had been in Costa Rica, she had constantly accused me of a variety of things, including ignoring her by not calling her enough--when I had a total of $50 to my name for one month for things other than food. Phone cards were $1 for 1 minute. I called her until I was out of cash. Later, she confided in me that she had started looking elsewhere for companionship during my time in Costa Rica. It was at this time also, that Dana and my friend got together. She was extremely jealous of my friend, and first tried to play it off at anger because she thought Naomi deserved Dana etc. But really, she was jealous because (admittedly) she wanted every guy to want her and only her. That's all fine and good, but when I told her about Dana and my friend she "had to keep from throwing up," she "couldn't believe it." She felt that they were morally corrupt, and was shocked to see that I didn't feel the same way. I was very emotionally weak at this point. I was very insecure with Tara, she wasn't exactly the most trustworthy person, nor would she prove to be the most faithful. But I told her that I was appaled and disgusted. I betrayed Dana and my friend. From there on, a sort of Cold War between us began. I badmouthed him, I agree. I said bad things. I had betrayed him, and I kept at it. It wasn't because of Tara--no, that may have weighed in on my decision, but ultimately? I betrayed Dana because I was weak. I was weak. Weak, and cowardly. Things were rough for a number of my friends from then on. I continued to perpetuate that Dana was a character of ill repute. I acted like I was better than him. You know what? Whatever I may have said about him? Forget it. He didn't betray his close friend. I did. Despite what I may have said even recently, Dana is not a bad person. Everyone is different and no one is perfect. I am definetly not perfect. I am a betrayer and a liar. Dana and my friend's relationship was their own business. What happened when that ended was stressful for my friend, and I comforted her. I am very close to my friend and I care for her deeply. There was a large LJ bru-haha over some of the posts he made. Sides were drawn. I just want to say one thing about that: I should not judge him. I was not involved in that relationship. Even if I "knew both sides," I should not judge him, or her for that matter. So I say to Dana, on the odd chance that he reads this. I betrayed you. I lied to you. I spoke ill of you. You are just in your view of me. I am not deserving of being in your good graces. You have persevered through an incredibly stressful time that I can claim to know nothing of. And I made it hard for you. I was unjust to you. You have every right to be mad at me, you have every right to hate me. I don't blame you for this, or anything. To his detractors: What ever your personal qualms with Dana are, please understand my situation. I betrayed this person. While I am still unfit to judge others for any reason, I betrayed him. I cannot judge him when I have done him such a wrong. Honesty and loyalty are very important to me, and they are very important to him. So please know that I wronged him. I wronged him . He is righteous in his thinking of me. Dana. I do not ask for your forgiveness. It is too late for that. I have long hidden in the shadows like the coward I am. I do not expect it from you, and that is the truth. But while your name is being dragged through the mud, and a clash of teen drama is unfolding again and again, I want you to know that I know you are right when you say I betrayed you. It was an awful thing. I am sorry that I was not a stronger person. I regret doing this through the awful medium of Livejournal, but I write this not just to you, but to everyone who knows me. I am fallable. I am capable of betrayal, and of bearing false witness. To anyone I have betrayed or hurt during my high-school career who wishes to make their damages known, please come forward, whatever they are. I do not seek atonement. I cannot ask to be forgiven. But I would like to know my trespasses. Thank you, -Reid | | Sunday, May 9th, 2004 | | 12:30 am |
| | Thursday, May 6th, 2004 | | 11:33 pm |
| | Wednesday, May 5th, 2004 | | 11:21 am |
Design?
Don't worry. The font can change, etc. People should reccomend fonts and whatnot--or even just design the letters or whatever, cause I suck at that. Worked on a guitar modelled after dans on the back--I had to invert it because it's a black t-shirt on black, although I could work on a white outline and have it look normal, but I like the negative image. Secondly, the picture for charsima check will have much higher resolution than this. This is like...72 or something. They will be more like 300 or so (that's the max for the screen). SO...Clickdedoo, FrogUnplugged, and ChainSmokingGun...what do you think? Andrew, talk to Jimmy or devine about cleaning a screen (NOT MY SOVIET ONE!!! I need to save that), and then prepping it with emulsion later. We can thermal image the stencil as soon as the design is done, and it's really easy. So, here's the first front/back design:
Comments, suggestions? | | Tuesday, May 4th, 2004 | | 9:21 pm |
A vote!
Okay, I'm designing a prototype for charsima check t-shirts. Here are three different versions of the same picture for the front of the shirt. This is just the picture part--special effects/text can be added in later. This all has to be black and white, because the emulsion I am using only has those two options. Also, because Charisma Check is too hardcore to be anything else than straight black and white. They is back in black. So...which one? #1
or... #2
or... #3
your comments please? | | Thursday, April 15th, 2004 | | 10:09 pm |
that's right!
Write out a song about someone breaking your heart--but make sure you're absolutely pathetic. I, Colin will judge these emo songs on their level of realistic emo-ness (do they seem like they have been written by self-indulgent little shits?). Perhaps I can convince andrew to write out some guitar for it and we'll post it! | | Wednesday, April 14th, 2004 | | 10:14 pm |
ASK COLIN!
Ask me 3 questions, no more no less. ask me anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. go on, pry into my private life. Rape my sanctity--sigh, it's not like anyone hasn't decimated my soul before. | | Sunday, April 11th, 2004 | | 10:12 pm |
| | Saturday, April 10th, 2004 | | 4:15 pm |
Man, I don't know where I am. I woke up this morning in the back of an Ihop with a needle sticking out of my arm, and about $50 worth of food sitting in front of me--except that everything had nuts on it. I hate nuts. Also, I have a racoon bite mark on my left thigh--I know it was a racoon because when I went into the bathroom at Ihop to clean out my track marked arm I noticed a commotion in my pants which turned out to be, in fact, a racoon. I'm still in the Ihop, orderring more food so they won't make me leave--and even when I say "No nuts," it still comes with nuts. I'm text messaging all of this into my cell phone, so if someone could help me figure out where the fuck I am, that'd be great--besides, my bill is nearing $250 some odd dollars. | | Sunday, April 4th, 2004 | | 11:18 pm |
| | Monday, March 29th, 2004 | | 11:18 am |
University of British Columbia
Session: 2004 Winter Session Term: Degree/Program: Bachelor of Arts Admission Area: Undergraduate Admissions Credential Version: Specialization #1: Specialization #2: Status: You were offered admission on March 23, 2004. Furthermore, as part of the Undergraduate Scholar Program, you will receive an early registration date and a guarantee of a place in housing. A letter with complete details has been mailed to you. | | Friday, March 5th, 2004 | | 7:03 am |
Homosexual Agenda (/sarcasm\)
Ordinarily I don't have any problem with the homosexual gays. Usually the homosexual gays are very nice, just like other people (which in my case, should read: very mean!). But I was walking down the street and I saw a bunch of homosexual gays getting married. I've got nothing wrong with that, except that I found a little book I assumed one of the homosexual gays dropped. It read: "Agenda: Top Secret," I openned it up and was shocked to find the secret Homosexual Gay Agenda that the Religious Conservatives were always talking about:
1) Force Gay marriage on everyone: Make men marry men, and women marry women regardless of sexual orientation.
2) Enforce strict stereotypes: Play cher and barbara streisand music very loud. Talk with a thick lisp. Let your wrist go limp. Giggle.
3) Destroy families: This can be done by breaking into a home, raping the good christian family inside, burning down the home, and then killing a few of them.
4) Promote gay sex in school: Creating tolerance and acceptance is not enough. We need to ban the discussion and the promotion of straight sex in school and make sure that only Gay sex is taught. Secondly, we must make sure that children (8 years and older) are having hard passionate gay sex in school bathrooms.
5) Make Colin Fairworth (Cryingdoll) miserable: Punch him in the eye if you see him. Kick him in the shins. He is a dip.
The zealots were right! There IS an evil homosexual gay agenda!!! I'm going to go cry about it. | | Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004 | | 11:15 am |
I was outside today. There was a kitten. It made me sad. Most things do. The other day, a small child found a dollar. I punched him and took it. Then I felt bad. | | Friday, February 27th, 2004 | | 10:25 am |
You may be sad if...
I'm sad. My computer is sad. When your CD-Rom drive opens without prompting, it means your computer is crying. :( | | Tuesday, February 24th, 2004 | | 10:05 pm |
tuesday night.
Well, i was going to go to the school dance. But i decided to stay home and cry instead. Dancing is stupid anyways. They just play stupid music and boys and girls dance together and laugh and smile and have fun. That doesn't sound very fun to me. It sounds overrated to me. Girls, in cute dresses. Smiling. Laughing. Dancing with you. Then slow dancing. And. and...FUCK YOU! In other news, my hands are now seperated. I have moved into the library at Reed College. I sleep on top of the shelves in the stacks (L1). Look me up (hahaha!) in the P-Q section sometime. | | Monday, February 23rd, 2004 | | 4:26 pm |
So I haven't written in a while...
And that's because I fell of the face of the world. Yeah, I wish. So here's what really happened. I was working with some lumber (my house burned down, and my parents are dead, so i'm single handedly rebuilding my house--cause I have no friends) and I was nailing some 2x4s together, when I accidentally nailed my hands together. Don't ask me how this is possible. All I know is that I raise the hammer, bring it down, and WHACK! my hands are fused by a 5 inch iron nail--to a a 2x4. So I scream for a long time, but no one comes. It seems the neighbors are used to hearing screams of lonliness and despair coming from my house, but eventually someone came out to tell me to shutup, and feeling pity (or atleast feigning compassion), called an ambulance. "Hey, your the kid who burned down your house and killed your family, right?" they asked. "Yeah, don't rub it in." So of course, the emergency medics joined together to pick on me, calling me loser, and stupid. They didn't even take me to the hospital. They took me for a ride in the van, took all my money, my shoes, and through me out onto the road. They drove off blasting Foreigner, or Loverboy, or some hardcore 80's band. Reflecting on that, I realize they may not have been actual medics. Their ambulance was more of a white minivan, and they were drinking and smoking pot. Fuck dude. I gotta take care of this nail before I get tetnis. | | Tuesday, February 17th, 2004 | | 10:33 pm |
| | Monday, February 16th, 2004 | | 4:09 pm |
| | Thursday, January 29th, 2004 | | 11:42 pm |
Mayhaps...
Mayhaps I can persuade this Brent Mok to slit my wrists with his razor he uses for his shaving services...god knows i'm too much of a coward to do it by myself... ::sniffle::
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